1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
