thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
