I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
