he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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