we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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