Tell her she can't have a vagina
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
