You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
time to smoke my breakfast
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i think i just lost a toe
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
