Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
