so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need water and some morals
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
