my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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