She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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