He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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