Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
