He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The Olympian is in my bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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