So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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