So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
