You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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