They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
