Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
