He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
