Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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