also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
