Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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