i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
