She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
