Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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