I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
