FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
