Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
