Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
