Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
