How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need a beard to bite.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
