Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
