I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
