if you like me you must not know who I am
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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