i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
