Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
