What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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