So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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