oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
