Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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