R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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