Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
