We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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