So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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