I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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