"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
