Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
