But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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