There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
